We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
