every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
