We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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