he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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