There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize