everyone is single if you try hard enough
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
