I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
