I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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