I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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