Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i think i just lost a toe
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
