he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
