Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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