Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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