how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
