I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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