apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
