More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
