you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize