Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
