____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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