my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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