i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
