Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
