he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
