FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
