..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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