if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
