His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
