Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
