It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
