do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize