i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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