the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
