people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
