Kareoke will never be a sober sport
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
