O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
