My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
