ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
