whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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