He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
