they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
