this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Damn victory sex feels great
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
