Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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