I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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