I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
