Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize