Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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