3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Randomize
