My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
