we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
