And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
