Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
