She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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