my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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