I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
And then my night got REAL pukey
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
This couple is walking their pig around campus
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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