Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
