I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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