my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
