i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
