If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
