dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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