i think i have two assholes
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
And then my night got REAL pukey
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