You smell like a Billy Joel song
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
