I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
