Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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