guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i believe in u and ur pee
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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