He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize