I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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