dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
