Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
