I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
