He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
