You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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